May 18, 2015
So, one thing that infertility does is make you hyper vigilant about your period. You mark your calendar, you count your days... you start making observations about your body that you took for granted before and then when it hits, you cry and cry. This past month has been crazy. I had a dental appointment for a root canal and I knew there'd be x rays. I know x rays are harmful so I had to be sure I wasn't pregnant... pregnant... as if... but where was my period? I thought maybe it came on April 3 because I was feeling cramps and symptoms but nothing must of come from that because I didn't actually write it down and it was less than two weeks after the one before... March 22.
Well, now it's May 18 and it looks like I skipped one. Because of the dentist, I knew I was going to have to take the test... I knew what the result would be... and sure enough... "NOT PREGNANT" showed up on the test. SIGH... Then, after the appointment, it finally hit. My period's acting weird. I can't help but wonder if it's the beginning of menopause... and I've pretty much effectively lost hope that I'm going to get pregnant... I'm not crying... I haven't really cried in a while... I wonder what that means.... maybe that I'm just tired of this whole thing.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Lost period? WTF
May 12, 2015
So this year has been very intense already. We were supposed to start with our embryo adoption/ donor egg IVF whatever this year in January but then we got invited to be a confirmation sponsor, baptism sponser a wedding and a conference in a major city.... I really wanted to participate in these things and it's been hard to get over the idea that I can't get pregnant with my own eggs so call it what you want, procrastination etc... but I wanted to do this with my husband and to take a moment and step back. Getting my heat around not getting pregnant on my own eggs... it's hard, very, very hard... and I needed a break.
Well, during this time I've been taking meticulous notes on my period... and my last one was on March 22. I didn't think about it.. I admit, I dropped the ball, lost track... and day before yesterday I went to have my throat checked for strep at the minute clinic and she asked about the last period... and I realized that I didn't have a period in April. She said, we'll are you SURE you're not pregnant. Of course not, ovaries are toast... no way... no way I say.
It stewed in my brain for a day or so and last night I finally took a pregnancy test... sure enough.. NOT pregnant. Sigh... well, if I'm not pregnant, then where or where is my damn period... and I feel like a high school or college student waiting, waiting, waiting and scared to death... but I want a baby.
So this year has been very intense already. We were supposed to start with our embryo adoption/ donor egg IVF whatever this year in January but then we got invited to be a confirmation sponsor, baptism sponser a wedding and a conference in a major city.... I really wanted to participate in these things and it's been hard to get over the idea that I can't get pregnant with my own eggs so call it what you want, procrastination etc... but I wanted to do this with my husband and to take a moment and step back. Getting my heat around not getting pregnant on my own eggs... it's hard, very, very hard... and I needed a break.
Well, during this time I've been taking meticulous notes on my period... and my last one was on March 22. I didn't think about it.. I admit, I dropped the ball, lost track... and day before yesterday I went to have my throat checked for strep at the minute clinic and she asked about the last period... and I realized that I didn't have a period in April. She said, we'll are you SURE you're not pregnant. Of course not, ovaries are toast... no way... no way I say.
It stewed in my brain for a day or so and last night I finally took a pregnancy test... sure enough.. NOT pregnant. Sigh... well, if I'm not pregnant, then where or where is my damn period... and I feel like a high school or college student waiting, waiting, waiting and scared to death... but I want a baby.
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