May 18, 2015
So, one thing that infertility does is make you hyper vigilant about your period. You mark your calendar, you count your days... you start making observations about your body that you took for granted before and then when it hits, you cry and cry. This past month has been crazy. I had a dental appointment for a root canal and I knew there'd be x rays. I know x rays are harmful so I had to be sure I wasn't pregnant... pregnant... as if... but where was my period? I thought maybe it came on April 3 because I was feeling cramps and symptoms but nothing must of come from that because I didn't actually write it down and it was less than two weeks after the one before... March 22.
Well, now it's May 18 and it looks like I skipped one. Because of the dentist, I knew I was going to have to take the test... I knew what the result would be... and sure enough... "NOT PREGNANT" showed up on the test. SIGH... Then, after the appointment, it finally hit. My period's acting weird. I can't help but wonder if it's the beginning of menopause... and I've pretty much effectively lost hope that I'm going to get pregnant... I'm not crying... I haven't really cried in a while... I wonder what that means.... maybe that I'm just tired of this whole thing.
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