Coping is not the easiest thing to do when faced with this type of situation. When I think about others working through this problem I feel like why should it be so difficult. I mean, it's not cancer. When I look at myself going through this problem, it's completely surreal and I don't recognize myself... it's like I'm outside of my body looking in and I wonder, what's the problem, it's not like it's cancer. I say this because someone actually said that to me and it stuck... "your problem could be worse, I mean, it's not like you have cancer."
Well, this kind of comment affects me because I have been by the side of my grandmother as she went through cancer, losing her battle finally after years of struggle. And I witnessed an aunt die of breast cancer, and I have two aunts who miraculously survived breast cancer and then an uncle who survived. Cancer is an illness that strikes in my family and some of us live and some of us don't yet we all struggle in grace and humility and I feel like yes, cancer is a giant, terrible problem.
Yet, I'm not getting over this infertility thing. I hurt and I feel guilty and I feel angry that I don't have this "superpower" women are supposed to have... the ability to grow a human being in their wombs. Actually, with me, we just know for sure that I can't create a human being in the womb... we just don't know if I could develop a human being in my womb....
To cope, I find myself paying attention to people out there who are sharing my situation.... and I found a story I admire.
George Burns and Gracie Allen were married in 1926. They were never able to conceive on their own and adopted in 1934, nearly 10 years with this struggle. I admire this couple because they had a solid marriage, one filled with love and laughter. George Burns lived 100 years and the last 30 or so without his wife... yet, he had a full life with her. They had a full life together, loved each other and enjoyed a family life with two adopted children.
I really want to get over this problem so that Brian and I can resolve our situation and move on with our lives. I know that I have to get over each stage one at a time, move through each stage at our own pace and then at the end... maybe we'll have children and maybe we won't... Whatever our outcome, I hope we'll be happy and healthy.
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